Bang night

So once again, the air was thick with the smell of burnt cordite and the sounds of apparent battle were in the air all over this part of town. I could have gone to an organised display; I could have bought my own and let them off, if not in the garden (kitty insecurity) then somewhere in the locale. Instead, I got myself a free display.

Walked into town and went to the pub.

Oh yes. Free fireworks as I get to watch everybody else's. Boys and girls, it's time to celebrate religious intolerance in our secular, multi faith society. Wonder if we can have a day to celebrate torturing and burning Muslims, as we are today with Catholics? Hmmm. Can't see that being a popular idea anytime soon. Hey ho. Just being devils advocate here, folks.

Actually, I'd much rather do my own (fireworks, not burning catholics) but once again I've not had the time to visit the Shop of Quality Bangs over the previous months to build up a quality arsenal, and the ones in ASDA are frankly just too ginger beer. Aught to do it before the safety nazi's ban it, really. I'm not with them at all. Just how are you supposed to enjoy life if everything is detuned, unavailable and can only be done by you if you've read the risk assessment, got the license and then just gotten scared and watched somebody else do it? Screw that. If you're left with only one hand, you've clearly learnt a very important lesson you can pass on to your kids. Which is why it's vitally important not to fire rockets from your fly zip.

Also, it's a pretty bad idea to mix explosives with alcohol. Not literally, you understand. Can't see that creating much more than a "phut" and a cloud of smoke. But the chaps in The County public house who were having an impromptu display in the alley at the side were perhaps a little on the side of irresponsibility, even by my own libertine standards. I've never seen a rocket get jammed into a buildings gutter, burn out and then explode before. That was interesting. Also, the Air Bomb that flew under somebody's Beemer and went off, largely because the tit that was launching it was launching it by hand. Feck it. I worship at the church of Darwin, and while an accident might not have stopped his farting in church, to paraphrase Obergefrieter Josef Porta, he certainly would have had to change his wanking technique. This would entertain me, and if I'd have had the sensibility to record it for posterity, might have made me a few quid on You've Been Framed, if not creative immortality on Youtube. The accident, that is, not his wanking technique. Unfortunately, I felt it wiser to retreat indoors to my pint, as things were just getting silly.